WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
