just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
