I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I am naked and annoyed.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
