Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
honey bunches of taint.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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