Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
