It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
