we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
