I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
