I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
