I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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