btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
