Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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