Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
