someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
