So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Panties = found
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
