i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
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I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
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No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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