Soap is not a condiment
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
