I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you win again, gameday.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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