What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Randomize
