So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
