Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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