sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
