I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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