You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
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