I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize