For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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