wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
