Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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