i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I don't deserve a penis
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
