i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
