I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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