I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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