I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
A+ Viking dick
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