my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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