You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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