so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
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