Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
