do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
