How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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