those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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