I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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