I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
