so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
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did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
tell me about the fingering
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