If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
