you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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