I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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