I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
