If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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