I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
