I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
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It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
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We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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