based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
