This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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