Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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