funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
