why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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