FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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