I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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