Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
